My mystical journey

Okay let me start with this, what does Spirituality mean to you? 

I have heard that it's religion, that it's people who think they have magical powers, that it's hippies, old medicine, woo woo stuff, and more. Honestly though it doesn't have to have an exact "right" meaning. It's what you make it. Now I imagine those of you who are skeptical or against the word in general are probably eye rolling with that statement, but it is truly that. 

Spirituality for me means finding your truth, listening to your gut, and doing what feels right. All while believing in your higher self and grounding yourself to the reality that you want. That can involve all sorts of things too. For me it means crystals, meditation, readings, salt baths, astrology, and the moon. At least that is where i'm at right now and I love it! However to get here has been quite the ride. 

So how did I get started on this path? Honestly I believe since the minute I was born I was going to find this spiritual path to a degree. So let me start with ehen I was younger... I had always been a seeker and since religion wasn't huge with family I was taught just to believe in something, and whatever it was that made me feel my best. My mom always said she didn't necessarily know if God was the right word, but that she did believe in a higher entity. So I always did too because I mean something has to be listening to us right? I guess it really started when I was about 9-11 and I went through a phase of thinking I was psychic. Yeah I know sounds silly and it's honestly a different realm of what i'm getting at, but I have to share this because it's sort of my foundation. I think I was and a part of me to this day wonders if those experiences will show up again from when I was younger... Everyone who knows me has told me I was highly intuitive from the get go. Don't get me wrong here we ALL are intuitive to a degree that I know, but as a child I use to spew things off as a definitive truth from nowhere and my family would be like WTF is she saying and boom whatever it was would usually show it's face. Both the good and the bad.

So I share this so you can understand what I mean by "psychic" notions. I think I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, we were living with my grandparents in Cali because my dad was stationed in Korea and my mom needed extra help with my brother and I while he was gone. As a pleasant surprise my mom soon after our move back was pregnant. When she found out my family was over the moon excited and so was my dad. Then there was me who started to hysterically cry in the midst of the excitement not being able to use my words or tell my mom why I was crying. My aunt ended up taking me out of the house to calm me down and ask why I was crying so hard and what was wrong and why wasn't I happy about the new sibling I was about to have? Well for one reason or another I said the baby wasn't going to live and I wasn't going to have them in my life. UHM what?! Ya that's how my aunt reacted. I was young I don't know why I said that, I don't remember details the way my family does, but I do remember saying that and how I felt in that moment. So sure of what came out of my mouth, but it didn't feel good, and I wasn't sure where it was coming from (apparently that makes me slightly claircognizance & clairsentience) just look it up :) I remember being so confused, but I just knew something was wrong from the beginning. Nobody told my mom because they didn't want her to be concerned and everyone tried to tell me that it was going to be okay and I didn't need to be scared. I tried to not worry and ignore what I said. My mom ended up going to the hospital, the ultra sound was abnormal and a few weeks later she miscarried. I remember her coming home crying and I could feel her pain so deeply. I felt like it was my fault. It wasn't I know that, but I remember that moment in my life and thinking I was awful or crazy. All I wanted was to make her feel better. I remember telling my mom the truth of why I was crying before and everything that happened. She comforted me and I comforted her, but to this day ask anyone in my family it was a strange crazy thing. It was one of many moments growing up where I said things and people's minds went UHM what?! 

As I grew up I was taught that all of those moments were probably just really large coincidences and things don't just happen and we can't just say or know things from nowhere etcetera etcetera. That sometimes the world just sucks and bad things just happen, and that we humans don't have abilities. So straight forward right? Like everything is so black and white in this world. Well it's not. At least I personally do not believe that and I hate that I ever let people change my mind of what I believed. Growing up is a funny thing because our minds morph and we totally lose our way, but somehow we always end up right where we need to be. What I do believe is that everything happens for a reason and sometimes those reasons don't show up in the way we want, but the aha moment always occurs. I  believe that the world is very very grey and things are not this way or that, and there is so much we just don't know (with exceptions of course, I am a major realist at the same time), and I think that at the end of the day we are all special and some of us do have "abilities." However what I am learning in all of this is that being true to you and turning inward to discover that is where the "magic" occurs. I guess that's where I am defining spirituality now. It's a really large umbrella to cover to be honest, but I say all of that not to be like oh i'm psychic, but because at one point in my life I was connected to a higher version of myself that spoke to me. I mean this is such a philosophical sense too, as in I do believe in a spirit, I guess the best way to put it, is my own version of a religious entity. I think we are all guided in whatever way we want to believe and that there is definitely an energetic force to it all. Do you guys believe that what you put out you receive in return? Because this is what I mean. Leaving it simple with that statement, because this could get way to deep for a blog post lol. 

Anyways, my path was reignited when I moved to Northern California after college. I ended up working at Nespresso and a co-worker of mine was super spiritual. One conversation led to another one day and my story above about my mom was shared and how I thought I was psychic when I was younger and so on. He responded you probably were and probably still are. For the first time in a long time someone wasn't like nope Shay that's crazy talk. It definitely through me off because I wasn't sure what that meant. He ended up opening my eyes to the third eye chakra and a bunch of other things in that spiritual realm and slowly I opened back up to it all. It was like over the course of the last few years small moments uncovered truths of my past self. The one I was most connected to. Today I feel like I am almost back to that true self. I lost it for a long time and my life was so blocked for a lot of personal reasons and rough times in my teenage years and early 20's. This year in particular was a year I shed a lot of my pain and anger from my past and released it. It's also why today I feel so much more grounded and at peace with myself and my life. As small as it was that conversation with my coworker it sparked my truth. It's what helped open up my blockage to that spiritual side of me, and the more I open up and allow crystals to heal me, to just believe, to allow my intuition to guide me, and manifest my thoughts into my actual reality the more beautiful my everyday life becomes. The whole the universe has your back statement couldn't be more true to me. 

I want to close with this though. All of it sounds silly or like bs to some of you who may read this. BUT let me ask you this? Have you ever turned inward and had a real conversation with yourself? Have you ever taken a moment to just sit with your thoughts and let them float by and just be with your body and your breath? Close your eyes, slow down, relax, be. Be so mindful of yourself that nothing really shakes you? It's a practice and it's not easy. I have started to do that, I have started to ask for things from the universe and it speaks back. It shows me my true path and I feel it. I feel it deeply you guys. So think of it what you will, but honestly if there's one thing I want you to take from this post it's that the vibrational frequency in which you live your life is often what you will receive. So the whole what goes around comes around statement, if you believe that then you're spiritual in your own way, because to some degree you believe that what you put out in the world is what is returned. So the bad with the bad, and the good with the good no? That's not to say that realistically speaking sometimes shit happens, but go one deeper than that from time to time and see what happens. 

In all of this I have learned to turn inward, I am practicing more self love and self care, I am allowing myself to go with the flow more (this one is tough for me), and allow myself to just feel my life out instead of measuring it all the time and it's beautiful. There is so much more I could say on this topic, but i'm going to end it here. As always reach out if you have questions or just want to have a conversation about any of it! :) 

Xo, 
Shay