Straight from the heart

Okay so I haven't had the energy to write lately and also felt a little stuck as where I wanted to go with my blog space and creative project. I knew going into this I wanted to share my journey in life and that my mission was to help people find their true voice, passion, drive, motivation all that jazz. This hasn't changed but my thought on this all is evolving that is for sure. I knew that this was going to be hard and that I would have to share parts of me that I never thought i'd share before. I was so uncomfortable with being seen on social media and putting myself out there. It's scary! 

However, I realize that I haven't totally opened up in this space and I have been making it all more complicated than I probably need to. I get all up in my head about how my blog should be when really I just need to be doing it. It's my life that I want to share so I need to start getting comfortable with just doing it and letting my creative side flow as it comes and goes. I have all these ideas in my head of what I want to do and a schedule of when i'll do it, but with anything you are trying to create sometimes you just need to let it come when it's suppose to. When I decided to dive in 6 months ago the way I did, I became so excited because I saw growth in something I had always wanted to do. It's small, but it's growth and that's what I need to remember. I started to connect with so many awesome people and creatives. I saw a dream of mine start to come to life in a very small but impactful way for me. Anytime I write it's because it's coming straight from my heart. I want it to always stay that way. I typically do my best writing when it's a genuine escape from my reality that I need. There is something about picking a favorite spot in town, cup of coffee or matcha, headphones in with a favorite playlist of mine that is soo soothing for me. It's something I do just to get my thoughts out there because it's hard for me to do verbally or in any other way. I have always been the girl who journals when life feels hard, messy, scary, exciting. ALL OF IT! Writing is healing for me too and it helps me see myself in ways I sometimes miss. 

I guess I say all of this because I know anyone who is putting anything out there in this world you feel defeated sometimes. It's like I want to have a successful blog, that's a big duh, BUT I also want it like now lol. We all want things immediately. We hate waiting. It's just human nature in our world nowadays. It's so easy to get so much at the touch of a button with technology now that when real life things make us wait it's frustrating. I am learning to embrace this as it is and realize it's a part of the process, but also not to let this get in my way of something I want to put out there. Also learning the ultimate form of patience and persistence. I have taken a step back to realize that at the end of the day doing this is fun and makes my heart full in a way that so many other things don't. I always have believed what's meant to be will be, so I am learning to be my biggest advice taker and trust timing and the universe with this one.

I was thinking all of this out because I am a part of a group with some wellness gals that are also trying to build their brand and realize we seriously all struggle with that feeling of being left behind. I know it's not just blogging, it's everything we do in life. Social media is a beezy for this exact reason. It's both beautiful and damning. We see people with these big highlight reels of life, lots of followers, cool trips, etc and forget that we are all human souls behind the screen just living life and most likely going through something. Shoot anyone who sees my social media page probably thinks i'm really happy all the time because my photos show so much candid joy. I am happy don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my life what i'm doing and who I am. BUT let me get real honest with you here I work 3 jobs, nearly 60 hours a week, rarely any days off, most days I can barely get out of bed i'm so tired, I miss home, I miss having a real social life not just in between work periods or when I get lucky that I have a day off, I want more free time, I want to have a stable savings, I hate and love it all. It's my life, it's the one I chose, and i'm very happy with it but sometimes I wish I could quit it all.  Especially lately the latter has been at an all time high for me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't burnt out a little from my life. 

So in the midst of all of this sharing I am working to really change some things this fall and redirect my life and where I put my energy. I can feel it in my body that I need to make some changes to what i'm doing and this includes the blog. I think everyone has been feeling a little pull of life. Everyone i've talked to has been feeling something if not exactly the same. I think we have to be softer on ourselves with whatever it is we are trying to do and honor what we are experiencing. My wellness gals helped me realize that i'm totally not alone and I have to start expressing these struggles on an everyday scale with myself. Oh and also my cute little community i've built on instagram, I mean that was my point of starting this project was to help others realize they are not alone in whatever they are battling. I promised myself that no matter what happened it was to help people realize they are not alone and so enough in this world because that's what I struggled with for a long time in my life. 

I realize I have never strayed from that mission, but I started to get in my own way because I see others growing a lot faster than me and no matter how hard I try to not think like this, I can't help but think why not me. I get discouraged and my creative side feels defeated. I know this but need to start reminding myself it's not about the numbers that make you successful at all or even the brands you work with. None of that honestly matters unless you are happy doing what you are doing in my personal opinion and when I decided to blog it was for me and to help others not the numbers. I started to lose my soul in the creating and I don't like feeling that way. I want this space to be healing, safe, positive, impactful, raw, messy, true, and all in all the version of myself I have worked to be today. That is someone sharing both her struggles and successes to help others be the best versions of themselves. It's something I am currently working on very hard right now. I am learning to integrate this type of mindset, but hey i'm human and i'll probably need you guys to remind me from time to time. 

All I know right now is that I need to make some major shifts in my work life and how I spend my time. As for this blog it truly is my heart and soul! I am figuring out how i'm going to go about it, but I think I need to just start listening to my inner voice and let it create itself day by day and follow my heart. I know such a dang cliche and if I read this would totally roll my eyes so if you did it's cool lol I get it. I just feel like there is no rhyme of reason with this type of thing and there aren't real rules into how you create and how you should do it I need to remember that and if you feel the way I do remember that too :) 

I can tell ya I plan to share more from the heart on here as often as I can. I know I need to carve out more time to do this for myself and in hopes it brings you all something too! However I am honoring the time I have in the processs. Thank you for being a part of my journey as always. 

All the love,
Shay