Life is a little bit messy

Ooh I haven’t had the inspiration to write in awhile. It feels so good to have that little nudge to do so and just get lost in it. This eclipse season has brought up a lot of stuff it seems. It’s the duality of life coming up very heavily for a lot of us right now whether you believe in astrology or not. We are all being called to face our core. That might be real scary for some of us. For me it’s realizing there’s a lot of pain I haven’t let go of that plays into my insecurities. Oh boy is it testing me to stay in my worth and be gentle with myself. I’m honoring it, letting it all come and also working through it.

I just want to say let life be messy. It’s 100% okay. Lately I have been realizing that too many people are trapped in the timeline paradox. Why does everyone think life has to be so linear? Graduate high school, go to college, maybe do post-grad or a doctorate, find your career for life (as if that’s realistic to decide so early in college), find a relationship, get married, have kids, etc etc. Know what you want to do at a certain age, buy house at this time, travel at this time, just so many of do this do that out there. Gosh it’s stressful if you try to fit the box. if that’s your timeline beautiful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However there are more of us out there that don’t follow that time line and then feel like there is something wrong with us because we aren’t on that timeline. Guess what there is nothing wrong with you so stop thinking that. Honestly how are we supposed to know all those things in a certain time frame? We all have different life experiences and I think we somehow forget that even though we share the same space on this earth our blueprint for how life will be is sooo incredibly unique. We know this but because we are molded by so many outside factors over the course of our lives we forget that we don’t need to follow any sort of path other than our own. Maybe it’s just something that is showing it’s ugly face in society right now heavily and we are all taking it in differently. Maybe it’s the age i’m at but it’s coming up a lot in different ways to me.

Personally I have never thought of my life to be linear. This is my story. Even when I was younger marriage and children were never really on my mind until people put it in my mind. I got older and still wasn’t concerned about having a relationship. My mom says I have always been a wild individual soul and being alone was second nature to me. Even with her. I was as a young girl and am that girl still to this day totally comfortable spending time with myself but it didn’t mean I wasn’t capable of a healthy relationship (cause people made me feel I wasn’t being this way). I’ve proved this to myself but man did people in college make me think there was something wrong with me for being okay with being single or hanging out alone. Which is totally okay. Although it took me a long time to realize there was nothing wrong with me. It’s just who I am. I guess I say this because I don’t know how many times I have been asked after my last relationship ended if I was okay being single again when all my friends were getting married, like how did that make me feel on top of the break up? As if my life was some pathetic love story that ended in the midst of a thousand stories of true love. Well it didn’t feel that great and when people start to make you think there is something wrong when there isn’t gosh is it easy to get into a loop of negative thoughts. You catch my patterning here? Not much has changed. The single friends I do have are in this constant loop of wanting to find the one. Concerned that so many of our other friends are getting married and like why not me? I am surrounded by relationships and marriages with all my friends, but I don’t feel left out. Now don’t get me wrong here I want a partner in life, it’s one of the most beautiful things that can happen to find a person you want to share and do life with. I believe it will happen but I also know that my timeline right now is about me and anyone who comes into it will respect that just like i’d do the same for them and maybe we see how it goes. I want a partner. Real, raw, honest, and someone who lets me be but we can share in so much and support one another. The older we get there are so many factors to being with a person and when you date at a later age than college you kind of know yourself, you are doing life and that person has to complement you. So I am taking my time with this. I am in no means trying to rush that timeline for myself. So if you’re in that #singlesclub have faith in your timeline and don’t rush it. A partner and building a connection with a person should never be rushed or forced. This whole notion of “needing” to do things in a certain time frame needs to go. Especially as woman. I think if you want kids in your timeline I can understand the pressure the older you get to finding the one BUT I have also learned that set your body up so that when that time comes to have babies in a later age (if this is your case) it’s not impossible. Support the adrenals the older you get it but this is topic for another time :P I am just saying it’s not impossible. So keep calm.

I want to remind you that every single one of us have a different beautiful story. In all the mess that life sometimes brings, in the chaos and moments of defeat it’s for a greater vision of what your life will be. Just trust yourself. Trust yourself to do what’s best for you and honor that mistakes will happen. Don’t fear it though. We humans are more resilient than we think. Follow your heart but use your head, be smart. Find the balance between the two. I know so much easier said than done, but hot damn I realize so many people are living in their heads of what life is supposed to be like. I see it everywhere.

Let me say this… if the only reason you aren’t doing something is because of fear run through the fire a little bit. If you get burned it’s not the end of the world. It might feel like it but you will be okay. Stop making excuses to live the life you want. It won’t be easy. I was always told anything worth having never comes easy. If you aren’t going after something because you think there’s not enough time or because it’s going to mess up the timeline you are currently on who cares? Like really… would you rather wonder what if or regret it later in life that you just didn’t follow what you wanted? That could be career, travel, love, a big move, going to school, having kids, marriage. Whatever it is society or people around you are making you feel you “need” to be doing because of your age or because of where your life is. STOP. Just drown out the noise. Get quiet with your thoughts and start to ask yourself is this what I want? If the answer is yes follow that. If the answer is no follow that. If your answer is maybe ask why? Start to deduce it into what it is you actually want. Get clear. Take time to get clear if that’s what you need. There is always time to make space to create the life you want and if you think there isn’t then take a hard look at yourself. Excuses don’t have space unless you let them.

We all need to stop making life so complicated with the rules we confine ourselves to sometimes. There are guidelines we all have to follow as a society because let’s be real it’d be a shit show if we didn’t. When it comes to your own life and how you lead it there' aren’t very many rules that need to be defined. Want to switch careers but invested so much time into the one you’re in so you’re afraid? Do it. Don’t live in the mediocre timeline you now have just because you’re older and changed your mind and your wants changed. That is allowed. Don’t want kids yet but everyone else is starting to pop them our and your “clock” is coming up? Well shoot learn how to preserve your eggs or support your body so that you can wait. It’s not the end of the world, do your research, feed your knowledge, the more you know the better you do. It will be okay. Are you in a relationship and feel pressured to take the next step but you are happy where you’re at? Who cares, do you, don’t stress yourself out or feel it needs to be anything more or less than what YOU want and more importantly what you are happy with. As for finding the relationship timeline. Ugh. I don’t even know where to begin here.

Okay… I really don’t care how cliche or single girl this sounds. I’ll call it out lol but being solo truly is your chance to be so incredibly selfish, really dive deep into who you are, what you like, and just living life for the most important person in your life - you. I think of it this way when you’re single and you are struggling to find “the one” stop. It’s literally the universe showing you that you need to love yourself more and be by yourself. You have lessons to learn on your own. I know it sounds so stupid and cliche but it’s true.

I have seen it so many times when people meet someone and throw themselves into the relationship just for it to fall apart, they keep repeating this cycle and wonder why doesn’t this work out? Why can’t I just find my person? Well love it’s because you don’t even know you, how can you be a partner if you can’t even give yourself the love you deserve. This lesson is so so important. I don’t think I understood this until my last relationship ended and I realized I didn’t like who I was. It had nothing to do with him even though in the relationship I kind of blamed him at moments for the lack of self-love I had. It was the most eye opening experience losing that relationship to realize I wasn’t actually happy and I was living life according to someone else’s plan for me. Nobody’s fault at all, all me, but it took getting my heart broken to see this in myself. So if you are single and you’re worried you’re never going to find the one. Find yourself and let the rest happen when it’s meant to. Like anything in life the more you try to control an outcome the more you will get the opposite and just end up hurting yourself. So the more you try to force finding the one the less likely it will happen. Let time be. It’s one of the few things that leave life full of surprises and make this world exciting. The unknown is terrifying and it’s why we push so hard to have timelines. The more comfortable you can be in this space the more beauty will show up. I promise.

In the end though I want to honor that we all want the same thing in life. Connection. True connection. We are so fearful to be ourselves though. We put ourselves in boxes. I do it too. I am not the one to say I don’t fall into these categories. I’d be an absolute fraud to say I don’t. It’s so easy when the world around you makes you feel some type of way. Although it happens I have also learned to allow myself the space to get back into my body and out of my head and honor what I want. It’s really hard at moments but I want you all to find a way to stay true to your course. Whatever that looks like for you. For me when I find myself getting a little overwhelmed or to in my head. I walk outside, I write it out, I sit there and let every feeling come up and I face it. Gosh when I first started doing this there was a lot of lonely tears, a lot of self doubt, a lot of pain and fear BUT then I realized I didn’t fall apart I just set myself free of the own damn prison I built for myself.

Honor whatever phase you are in. I think that’s my one message here. Sometimes we are smacked in the face with things that break us. It could be a matter of breaking our hearts open or breaking it apart but regardless it’s so that we can rebuild our foundation of who we are by our true essence. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Every person you meet is a beautiful mirror to the work you need to do and the lessons you need to learn. In every situation we are put it it’s important to be better from it. We always have the opportunity to be better and do it for you nobody else. However in all of that when you have done the work or you find a person who is a soul connection of some sort. Ride the wave but don’t lose yourself. I think if there is anything you take away from reading this it’s that. Ride each wave as it comes and just make sure you ask yourself if it’s what you really want. If it is shoot go for it! Follow that nudge. If it isn’t then remember stay true to you. Let’s live this beautiful life with all the messy that can come with it, but just think of it as magical space to be in because it’s what YOU want :)

Xo,
Shay